I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
