I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize