I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I understand Curling. That high.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
