Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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