and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
