i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
