oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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