You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
