omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
