listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
