I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
