better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
