You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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