i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
