how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
