make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm both gender and math confused
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
