i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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