How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize