so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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