matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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