Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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