So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
