the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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