I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
