I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize