Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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