really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
