Soap is not a condiment
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
