did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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