My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
