First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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