Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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