You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
