Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
