i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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