Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
