So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
