yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
