i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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