Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
