After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
