he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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