it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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