i think i have two assholes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
