OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize