He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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