i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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