I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
