You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
