just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so let's talk penis.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
