Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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