one two three fourrrrnication!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
