Non-Jews are for practice
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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