dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
