the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
