just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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