If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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