I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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