You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
