hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where is the hickey?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
