Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
operation harelip BJ is a go
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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