I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
