Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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