She's JV to your varsity
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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