There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
